Affirmation

This should be a really long post, but in the interest of time. I'll sum up:

For two years, I've been on this spiritual(astrological) journey about home, family and foundation. This is the tail end and like all journeys there is a test. - more about the test later- more about all of this later -

But what the test has lead me to, i think, is this affirmation.

My foundation in myself, not in others.

Though i love, and want to love, those who i love are not the cure.

The boy is not the cure.

I should not expect him to be, for he could never heal the world or all of me. (which doesn't lessen is possible perfection for me)

But also I do not need him to be. I can cure myself, me with the help of the universe, and many people people in it.

Wanted: Must have Experience in the Fine Arts

There is no specification on which of the fine arts, although performance fine arts are highly valued and music experience is optimal. The craft must not necessary be in current practice but must have at one point been a pivotal portion of your life.

Why fine arts?
The are two main reasons, compatibility and life view.

The first is simple, compatibility. From the time could talk; I sang. I was in a choirs from 6th grade through college. I went to literary competition, all-state choirs, honor choirs, and auditioned for even more. It was something important to me. Something that has span more chapters of my life than any other actives, so I want you to be able to grasp that, share that, and love that.

The second is life view. Art is transcendent. It is a sacrifice. To love art, to be art, you must step outside of your self. Become a vessel for the paint on the brush, for the notes on the page, for the words that you say. You are here to make people feel, to show them what you are feeling, to bring them to another place and do that you have to leave your self behind. When you lead them, you can’t show that you are worried about your laundry, or your boyfriend you must focus on the journey. Its not that you abandon those things, but rather you weave them into the path. When you share the sunny melody, you give them a glimpse of how you felt after your first real date. When you weave the Irish ballads into song, you share the loneliness of when you first moved away.

To love is walk along a journey, to make it through all the mundane parts of life is like learning your craft. Holding the brush and learning the symbols, so that you can finally paint, finally sing. Love takes patience and giving. It takes time and effort. You may bleed for your craft. You may be tired but you are driven because the rewards of art, like rewards of love, enlighten and brighten your soul.

photo credit: Mel B.

The little things

There are those people who say "don't sweat the small stuff" and I've never been one of them. As a general rule I'm working on being more patient and more even tempered which might lead you to believe that I am not sweating the small stuff but that's not actually true either.

The truth is I live by the small stuff.

I am completely uplifted but your tiny compliment as I am torn apart by your burn. I will cherish and hold grudges for every glance, every word and every touch. It is, in a way, the secret to my emotionalism. I love every moment. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the carpe diem sort, I am instead bound by a rather strict personal conduct code and think that carpe diem only works for people who have experienced death, and know what they are living for or people who need an excuse for the random irrational behavior.

But this philosophical discussion is not why I'm writing, I'm here to document my little thing for the day.

A warm bed and loud alarm clock
Burning my bagel and dropping half of it on the floor
Finding out that the 13 year old in me LOVES the Jonas bothers
Showing my crazy boss Hanson
My big boss giving my lame work in as consolation prize for the work they hyped but feel through
Calling college lover despite my pride
Hearing him say "i miss you too" and feeling him mean it
Helping someone at dance
Being walked home more than 6 blocks out the way

You never know what is at the end of the day