Yesterday was oppressively long and full. I will have to fulfill that space on another day.
Today, while not nearly as emotional was long, I am actually still at work, and incredible tired. So this is brief.
Take joy in the little things.
In the funny blog post titles (Girl disrupted. I stick to vodka. Champagne is just ginger ale with good freinds)
The comics (xkcd style) i've created to make fun of my job. (I will try to post them later).
Vanilla tea, god love it.
My heart still has longings for more serious things that i don't know how to reconcile with work. Staying in bed and reading Ender. Joining a choir. Making new freinds. Playing Wow (i know, i know, geeky)
Sigh
I just pray it even it self out
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Eve of Lent
For me Lent is season of renewal. Honestly it is my favorite season in the church. I know this seem like an odd choice, why not the Pentecostal season, where we talk about the miracles of the spirit or Christmas which is bound by joy for the birth of a savior? The truth is i don't really know. Those season are great and important, but they have never reached me like Lent.
Lent is time of temptation. It is a time when we look into to our hearts and boldly ask:"What is seperating me from God?", "What seperates me from joy?", "What is holding me back from being who I was destined to be." These are hard questions and I like anyone one with real sin, get nervous about trying to answer them. Lent teaches us that the answers aren't supposed to come all at once, faith is not a simple transformation. It is days in the desert, it is lonely, and requires all of you. Faith is abour perseverance, it is about beliving that you are on a path, that you are doing things doings that were meant to be.
Every year that i celebrate lent, i choose to not to merely give up a temptation (although that does work for some peopple), but to give up the pretense that i have it together. I try to open up to the word, to the path, and listen for the answers that scare me. What are you calling me to do?
Here I am Lord, it is I Lord, I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
This is my prayer for to move away what is holding me back to go where i am called and to learn to be who i am.
This Lent I going to try act this faith through this blog. I hope you'll join me.
Lent is time of temptation. It is a time when we look into to our hearts and boldly ask:"What is seperating me from God?", "What seperates me from joy?", "What is holding me back from being who I was destined to be." These are hard questions and I like anyone one with real sin, get nervous about trying to answer them. Lent teaches us that the answers aren't supposed to come all at once, faith is not a simple transformation. It is days in the desert, it is lonely, and requires all of you. Faith is abour perseverance, it is about beliving that you are on a path, that you are doing things doings that were meant to be.
Every year that i celebrate lent, i choose to not to merely give up a temptation (although that does work for some peopple), but to give up the pretense that i have it together. I try to open up to the word, to the path, and listen for the answers that scare me. What are you calling me to do?
Here I am Lord, it is I Lord, I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.
This is my prayer for to move away what is holding me back to go where i am called and to learn to be who i am.
This Lent I going to try act this faith through this blog. I hope you'll join me.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
The past two days my body revolted against me with sickness. I don't get sick very often, so when I do, i kinda of don't know how to react. I spent allot of yesterday just listening. Not talking, not thinking but listening to my body. Where does it hurt, what can i do to make that better.
It has been a rough couple of weeks at work. This recession business has everyone all in a fuss. They are letting fear hurt them long before the backlash of money does. Needless to say fear has entered my work environment. There is a new sense of Big Brother, and constant concern about how you, personally are affecting our bottom line.
The experience is changing two things in me. One my faith in my company, given the amount of ludicrous bullshit that is coming out of these fears and two a further realization that i need to rely on myself. Not that i haven't been relying on myself previoulsy, but i have been seeing the world as a safer place. A place where if i did my job and worked hard they would know that and we would be fine. A world where i didn't need to toot my horn too loudly, or play ridiculous games to get noticed. But ladies and gentlemen I don't not live in that world.
So I'm apadting and changing and trying not to be to bitter. Beacuse to much bitterness will make you toxic.
It has been a rough couple of weeks at work. This recession business has everyone all in a fuss. They are letting fear hurt them long before the backlash of money does. Needless to say fear has entered my work environment. There is a new sense of Big Brother, and constant concern about how you, personally are affecting our bottom line.
The experience is changing two things in me. One my faith in my company, given the amount of ludicrous bullshit that is coming out of these fears and two a further realization that i need to rely on myself. Not that i haven't been relying on myself previoulsy, but i have been seeing the world as a safer place. A place where if i did my job and worked hard they would know that and we would be fine. A world where i didn't need to toot my horn too loudly, or play ridiculous games to get noticed. But ladies and gentlemen I don't not live in that world.
So I'm apadting and changing and trying not to be to bitter. Beacuse to much bitterness will make you toxic.
Friday, February 6, 2009
The little things
There are those people who say "don't sweat the small stuff" and I've never been one of them. As a general rule I'm working on being more patient and more even tempered which might lead you to believe that I am not sweating the small stuff but that's not actually true either.
The truth is I live by the small stuff.
I am completely uplifted but your tiny compliment as I am torn apart by your burn. I will cherish and hold grudges for every glance, every word and every touch. It is, in a way, the secret to my emotionalism. I love every moment. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the carpe diem sort, I am instead bound by a rather strict personal conduct code and think that carpe diem only works for people who have experienced death, and know what they are living for or people who need an excuse for the random irrational behavior.
But this philosophical discussion is not why I'm writing, I'm here to document my little thing for the day.
A warm bed and loud alarm clock
Burning my bagel and dropping half of it on the floor
Finding out that the 13 year old in me LOVES the Jonas bothers
Showing my crazy boss Hanson
My big boss giving my lame work in as consolation prize for the work they hyped but feel through
Calling college lover despite my pride
Hearing him say "i miss you too" and feeling him mean it
Helping someone at dance
Being walked home more than 6 blocks out the way
You never know what is at the end of the day
The truth is I live by the small stuff.
I am completely uplifted but your tiny compliment as I am torn apart by your burn. I will cherish and hold grudges for every glance, every word and every touch. It is, in a way, the secret to my emotionalism. I love every moment. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the carpe diem sort, I am instead bound by a rather strict personal conduct code and think that carpe diem only works for people who have experienced death, and know what they are living for or people who need an excuse for the random irrational behavior.
But this philosophical discussion is not why I'm writing, I'm here to document my little thing for the day.
A warm bed and loud alarm clock
Burning my bagel and dropping half of it on the floor
Finding out that the 13 year old in me LOVES the Jonas bothers
Showing my crazy boss Hanson
My big boss giving my lame work in as consolation prize for the work they hyped but feel through
Calling college lover despite my pride
Hearing him say "i miss you too" and feeling him mean it
Helping someone at dance
Being walked home more than 6 blocks out the way
You never know what is at the end of the day
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Becuase Cross posting is good for the soul..
You know it. 25 things about me which means you owe me 25 things about you.
Don't be a hater
#1 I have often been known as the one who says what everyone else is thinking but no one is saying
#2 I’m addicted to Soulgarden.tv. Don’t be a hater.. .Live love be
#3 Nothing is Joy like red wine, dinner and good friends
#4 I once got my head stuck in a table and the fire department had to come and cut me out.
I was convinced they were there to take off my head.
#5 I still think that the numbers 26, 726 and 4 are good omens, despite a somewhat dubious personal history
#6 My favorite date involved a failed chocolate fondue and running from surprise sprinklers on north campus
#7 I think people who think living in NYC is like it is in the movies are on crack
#8 I love to listen to blues and jazz because it reminds me of hanging out with my dad (I mean and its awesome...)
#9 I’ve always wanted to learn to play bridge like my great grandmother. The last memory I have of her is telling her I won a 19pt hand and her delusionally accusing my grandmother of slipping me the cards under the table (she was in another room). I want to prove I can do it again
#10 I’m not really happy if I’m not involved in a fine art
#11 Toblerone chocolate always makes me think of getting on plane and heading to Europe
#12 I love inside jokes and nicknames. I think they are a high sign of affection
#13 My favorite nickname right now is bunny …. Although Rainbow Sprinkles Lindsey will always hold a special place in my heart
#14 My biggest fear is not being good enough
#15 My greatest goal is to raise a family
#16 As a wedding gift to my husband I fully intend to hand embroider his initials on to a handkerchief – simply because it is an old fashioned, time consuming labor of love
#17 I think the biggest lesson in life is learning to love yourself, not too much but not too little
#18 I live my life for love
#19 I might get mad stop talking to you, but I’ll probably never stop caring about how you are doing
#20 My head coach was Michael Weiss’s coach, she was immensely talented but she didn’t really understand people. I never really got over that
#21 I can honestly say I fell in love on the Eiffel Tower
#22 The only thing I insisted on bringing to NYC was pink pillow/hippo named pippo.. Everything else could be shipped up later
#23 I still wish on stars
#24 I feel the most centered and content on the lake
#25 My two proudest moments are getting a 4 on the AP Calculus test and landing and FIR podcast
Don't be a hater
#1 I have often been known as the one who says what everyone else is thinking but no one is saying
#2 I’m addicted to Soulgarden.tv. Don’t be a hater.. .Live love be
#3 Nothing is Joy like red wine, dinner and good friends
#4 I once got my head stuck in a table and the fire department had to come and cut me out.
I was convinced they were there to take off my head.
#5 I still think that the numbers 26, 726 and 4 are good omens, despite a somewhat dubious personal history
#6 My favorite date involved a failed chocolate fondue and running from surprise sprinklers on north campus
#7 I think people who think living in NYC is like it is in the movies are on crack
#8 I love to listen to blues and jazz because it reminds me of hanging out with my dad (I mean and its awesome...)
#9 I’ve always wanted to learn to play bridge like my great grandmother. The last memory I have of her is telling her I won a 19pt hand and her delusionally accusing my grandmother of slipping me the cards under the table (she was in another room). I want to prove I can do it again
#10 I’m not really happy if I’m not involved in a fine art
#11 Toblerone chocolate always makes me think of getting on plane and heading to Europe
#12 I love inside jokes and nicknames. I think they are a high sign of affection
#13 My favorite nickname right now is bunny …. Although Rainbow Sprinkles Lindsey will always hold a special place in my heart
#14 My biggest fear is not being good enough
#15 My greatest goal is to raise a family
#16 As a wedding gift to my husband I fully intend to hand embroider his initials on to a handkerchief – simply because it is an old fashioned, time consuming labor of love
#17 I think the biggest lesson in life is learning to love yourself, not too much but not too little
#18 I live my life for love
#19 I might get mad stop talking to you, but I’ll probably never stop caring about how you are doing
#20 My head coach was Michael Weiss’s coach, she was immensely talented but she didn’t really understand people. I never really got over that
#21 I can honestly say I fell in love on the Eiffel Tower
#22 The only thing I insisted on bringing to NYC was pink pillow/hippo named pippo.. Everything else could be shipped up later
#23 I still wish on stars
#24 I feel the most centered and content on the lake
#25 My two proudest moments are getting a 4 on the AP Calculus test and landing and FIR podcast
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