Getting what you need

I love the little things that happen that let you know, not only that people know you but also that they care enough to act in a way they know will make you happy.

The Back Ground
I've been struggling over a recent radio-silence between myself and my college lover. I'm trying to build boundaries, fortify my self esteem and not put myself in places that I am not appreciated. Its not a natural thing for me, but I know it will be healthier, if i can ever pull it off.

The Moment
My friend, who is still in my college town, gives me periodic updates on gossip in our town, the people, and all the organizations. He keeps me in on all the stupid things people are doing, and its awesome, but he doesn't track college lover for me. Its a matter of principle (although I'm not sure who's exactly). I try not to ask and he rarely mentions it. The other day I had to admit that there was radio silence between college lover and myself. Not out a deep sharing experience, but rather the fact that there was some very obvious gossip i should have already known, and my lack of knowledge was a glaring tell.

Last night was opening night for college lover and despite my pride, or the radio silence I sent a short *good luck* e-mail. I couldn't help it, really. I was thinking of him, caring for him and how he was doing, and so i simply couldn't keep quiet. I believe people always need to know that your proud of them that you hope they do well, even when your mad at them.

The radio silence has continued though and today i felt like bulimic in front of cupcake store, i just want to gorge on it information- even though I might want to give it all back later.

Enter my friend. We chit chat and shoot the shit, and then without me really having to ask, he just volunteers the information. College lover is fine, the show went well, his compatriots think highly of him. *sigh* Suddenly I feel like all is a little more right in the world, everything is fine- better than fine-its good.

What I love most, it that my friend knew i needed to hear it and despite our agreements and principles he gave it to me. The wash of relief that followed in grows exponentially in my thankfulness for people who know what you need, and when you need to hear it.

I'm still planning on continuing radio silence. I'm stilling planning on letting go, on not caring, on killing the urge to care, but i fully admit that sometimes you just have to give people what they need.

Today i got that and i hope tomorrow i can help give it to someone else