The Wanted Series

Hi again Blog,

So I wanted to start a Meme/theme/writing project. A wanted ad.

Once upon a time a good friend of me advised me to make a wanted ad for the kind of man I wanted. At that time, I wanted someone desperately and it reminded me that I need more than what I might have settled for in the desperation.

Now is not one of those desperate times. But I thought given my singleness for a year and half. Now might be a good time to reflect on that.

Since a lot of the things I want tie back to people and stories. I’m going to do them one at time or some at time.

Ok that’s all,

Xoxox

Amazing TED Video On Education

Here is to 2008

So this was yesterday's exercise, I wrote some copy for the collage I made I ages ago :)

Its a actually a postcard template..

Front:



Back:

Rain Strom

The rain was coming. He loved the rain, said it brought peace. More than rain, he loved the storm. I like to think it was because he had so many storms in his mind, it made him feel better to see some of that manifested on the outside. I, on the other hand, hated storms. I hated to hear the sound of thunder, hated the lightening that was so shocking. I mean he did know that people die by lightening, right?! But that was us, I said go, he said stop. We weren’t total opposites but we were different enough to be ying and yang. I guess that is the way it always is though…

726 and I were different in that we actively tried to merge with each other, to quell the differences between us. I don’t think it was conscious, but it was something that happened to us on every level that I can think of. To this day, I notice myself climbing stairs like him, making jokes like him, arguing in that take zero-sum killer method I developed by fighting with him. I think because of our tender age 726 and I became one person, more so than the average serious couple. I also believe that’s why I miss him so much, he is in so many ways (except the traditional) my other half.

I digress though…

It was storming. The air was electric, the way it holds a charge before it rains. He was excited and I groaned internally. I knew what was coming.

“Come sit in the rain” he said. He was light up like child at Christmas. He eyes were filled with excitement, with joy and with the hope that I would go with him.

“You know, I hate the rain, it’s cold and thunder means there is lightening.”

“Exactly” he replied. His smile widened into a grin.

He grabbed my hand and drug me outside. The truth is, I always wanted to go with him, wherever he went, I wanted to go.

We raced down the stairs and up the driveway. When we got all the way out into cul-de-sac before I halted.

“ I am not going out in the open.” I said with full pout, and a tinge of my fear.

“Please.”

“It’s not happening…” there was more fear in my voice now. Even my pride couldn’t hide that fact that I was scared.

“Ok, just the edge then”

So we sit under the tree on the sewer drain at the edge of the cul-de-sac. I try to convince myself that the lightening will hit the trees before me. I try not to think about how much sitting on water will increase the likely hood of a strike. He, however, is completely joyful, the rain is coming…

We sit there until we are soaked and until I can’t take the idea that being wet is greatly increasing our death wish.

But before we go in, he stops and leans down to kiss me. The water runs down our faces, he smiles and says, “Thank you, I know you hate the storm. I love you.”

We walk back up the house in search of towels, but I don’t really care about being wet or being cold. This is the best storm of my life.

Jackie Onassis Reservior

by Joyfulgyrl

Spring came this weekend. It is hopeful and full of life. I felt the peace wash over me, with the wind blowing in my hair. I remembered, although i'm not sure i ever forgot, how much i love the open air on my toes, and breeze on my skin. I discovered the Jackie Onassis Reservior and it is like standing on the lake and being at the ocean all in one. The wind blows over the freah water, and if blows from the right direction you get the slightest bit of salt, reminding you that this behomoth of a town, with all its concert and glass is only an island. There is sound of gulls in front of me playing near the water, but the the smell of pine trees behind me. It felt very much like childhood. Days on the lake out the boat, hearing nothing over the roar of wind from the speed of moving over the water. Memories of running through the woods with McGee barking along, out on a some secret avdeture. Finally, the cool air, the tiny bit of salt reminded me of Christmas in Florida, where we rolled down the windows in the car some my mother could smell the salt again, and hear the gulls.

It was a good find. Important for my soul. I'm longing for people to share these things with, but i have faith, they will come. Untill then, I am learning to love the scilence, learing to love myself and grateful that my love of water is only a few blocks away.

"She was dreaming of me, and it wasn’t even a nightmare. She wanted me to stay
with her, there in her dream.

I struggled to find words to name the feelings that flooded through me, but I had
no words strong enough to hold them. For a long moment, I drowned in them.

When I surfaced, I was not the same man I had been.

My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. It must, by necessity, always be
midnight for me. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, in the middle of my
midnight?" - From Stephanie Myer's Midnight Sun

I Miss feeling in love

on crack

"Ms. L" work therapist (wt) said. "You are on crack"

A little indignantly, I reply:

"You 've been saying that for quite some time now, like two weeks. Don't you think, maybe, i'm not 'on crack' I've just established a new sense of normalcy?" ( or maybe- i think quietly- you don't really know me)

"No" WT replies matter-of-factly

I pout.

"You are on a journey and you're not there yet"

I pout more.

"But being on crack while being on a journey is not so bad"